I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
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