My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
