and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
