i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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