Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
