He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
