Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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