Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
