ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
