No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
