so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
