the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
