Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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