Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
