hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
