Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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