what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
