i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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