loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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