either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I believe in your delicious
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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