Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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