it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
