dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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