Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
