Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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