You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
