im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You are a genius and a whore.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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