now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
