take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
