Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Panties = found
Randomize