There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
