If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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