Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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