how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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