Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize