i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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