it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
