Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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