He kissed a someone with a penis
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
