dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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