paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
