So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize