Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Pooping to opera.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
