I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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