I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
