You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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