um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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