my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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