I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
