Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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