I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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