I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
