I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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