How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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