Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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