Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
