She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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