I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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