not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
