Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
