one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i now understand why vodka
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
