once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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